It has taken me over three years to evolve enough to write this next post. i am in a state of perpetual growth. in these last three years i have grown up, matured, devolved, un-matured, re-matured, faught, hurt, freed myself, you name it ive tried it. i am not awake anymore. i live in a perpetual dream of insanity. i can honestly tell you the only reason i am still alive today is because i know suicide will not accomplish anything other then my death and many peoples sadness. i have many hopes and dreams but none have come to pass.
i am alone in a crowd. most people who talk to me on a daily basis don't even recognize this in me. i am unique in this world to the point that i feel at an alarming rate. i feel much more then you do. i don't say this as a point of pride, quite the contrary actually. i feel at a rate that astounds me. i doubt the average person could feel what i do. it overwhelms me at times and destroys me most other times. i cant express the amount of feeling i have. it creates a barrier that most people cant see past. i wish i could let you in to this insane world my mind has constructed. the pain is unbearable most days. i cant keep a job to save the world. i cant even process the daily life of the people around me. this is why i choose to live my life at night when most of you are sleeping. you are dreaming and compressing your days and i am awake, feeding off the silence and the freedom of the dark. i can hide and seek at the same time. i can be free. but the raw emotions of everyone around me and everyone i see come flooding in to my head. you may not believe me. you may think i am crazy but i constantly feel every emotion around me. i can't turn it off. the most glorious thing that could happen to me would be if your emotions and feelings didn't flood my brain. i am tired. Jesus wept and so did i. it rains down on my consciousness like a storm. i bind these emotions up in my heart and wash them away with alcohol and tears. please set me free. please set me free. it has become so strong i can feel your dreams.
i can feel your pain and anger while you sleep. i can feel your breath. i can feel your heartbeat. i can feel everything. i have tried to use any means available to me to ward off the feelings and emotions but eventually they bleed through the mask. they define my existence. the mold my daily habits. i have lied to everyone in my daily life about how i am. i am not fine. i am not doing fine, i am not ok. i am not happy. i am distressed, angry, hurt, sad, depressed, vengeful, hate filled, mad, aggressive, ecstatic, joyful, romantic, angered, overwhelmed, tired, blissful, and any fucking emotion you can think of i feel it all at once. the only relief is alcohol, cigarettes, and the night. most of you are emotionless when you sleep. and that makes it so much easier for to handle the ones who still feel when they sleep. i am so tired. just let me have some peace and quiet...
i am alone in a crowd. most people who talk to me on a daily basis don't even recognize this in me. i am unique in this world to the point that i feel at an alarming rate. i feel much more then you do. i don't say this as a point of pride, quite the contrary actually. i feel at a rate that astounds me. i doubt the average person could feel what i do. it overwhelms me at times and destroys me most other times. i cant express the amount of feeling i have. it creates a barrier that most people cant see past. i wish i could let you in to this insane world my mind has constructed. the pain is unbearable most days. i cant keep a job to save the world. i cant even process the daily life of the people around me. this is why i choose to live my life at night when most of you are sleeping. you are dreaming and compressing your days and i am awake, feeding off the silence and the freedom of the dark. i can hide and seek at the same time. i can be free. but the raw emotions of everyone around me and everyone i see come flooding in to my head. you may not believe me. you may think i am crazy but i constantly feel every emotion around me. i can't turn it off. the most glorious thing that could happen to me would be if your emotions and feelings didn't flood my brain. i am tired. Jesus wept and so did i. it rains down on my consciousness like a storm. i bind these emotions up in my heart and wash them away with alcohol and tears. please set me free. please set me free. it has become so strong i can feel your dreams.
i can feel your pain and anger while you sleep. i can feel your breath. i can feel your heartbeat. i can feel everything. i have tried to use any means available to me to ward off the feelings and emotions but eventually they bleed through the mask. they define my existence. the mold my daily habits. i have lied to everyone in my daily life about how i am. i am not fine. i am not doing fine, i am not ok. i am not happy. i am distressed, angry, hurt, sad, depressed, vengeful, hate filled, mad, aggressive, ecstatic, joyful, romantic, angered, overwhelmed, tired, blissful, and any fucking emotion you can think of i feel it all at once. the only relief is alcohol, cigarettes, and the night. most of you are emotionless when you sleep. and that makes it so much easier for to handle the ones who still feel when they sleep. i am so tired. just let me have some peace and quiet...
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